Lost! Live!

Turned in my final script today, so I'll have the time to catch up with a lot of television. Doctor Who has been burning a hole in my brain, trying to get out. Tonight though, another very special live-review of Lost.

We have four episodes left (with the final episode being a two hour behemoth), and things are heating up, but not quite at that boiling point. There wasn't an episode last week, so anticipation is high. Let's get right into it:

Alterna-Locke is waking up, perhaps with an intact spine? Jack asks about Locke's original spinal injury. Oooh, Locke's a Candidate? Nope, just a candidate. For boring old experimental spinal surgery. But Locke says no? Hey, is that Katey Segal? It doesn't look like her. I guess Sons of Anarchy takes up ones time.

Jack's on a boat! He's on a boat! He's on...Hydra Island? The rest of the Losties get herded to the polar bear cages. Sawyer gets the drop on one of Team Widmore, and gains one rifle. Widmore points a gun at Kate, and reveals that he's only interested in the Candidates; that Kate is expendable. Widmore says something, and I miss it :( I need a TiVo.

Hey, it's Bernard! Doing dentistry! Jack's digging up some dirt on Locke. Alterna-Locke. And the 815-ness continues. And Anthony Cooper was the mystery other man in Locke's mystery accident.

Sayid's telling Jack about the aftermath of the missile attack. The rest of Camp Smokey bailed or got themselves dead, so it's down to Sayid, Jack, and Not-Locke now. Not-Locke's ready for a rescue mission...which of course ends on the plane. And off the island. Not-Locke threatens to kill Jack and the other Losties...or at least lets Jack know in no uncertain terms that he can if Jack doesn't help him.

Back in the cages, Sawyer is pissed. And lets Kate know about her crossed out cave name. Aww, and Sun and Jin are having a moment. It's about damn time. Oops, there go the lights. Dharma didn't pay the bills? Oh Hurley, you are such the optimist. Aaaaaand here comes the Smoke Monster. Kate reaaaaaaaches for the cage key, but Jack shows up to grab it and unlock the door. And Lapidas was soooooo close to kicking it open, all cool and stuff.

Jack says he's not meant to leave the Island. Definitely drinking the Kool-Aid. And Sayid pops in, after his good job of disabling the generators. Should have known.

Oh hey, here's Alterna-Jack looking for Anthony Cooper. This is seriously freaking me out if this really is Katey Segal. I just don't think it is though. Gah! Oooh, Cooper is a vegetable.

Not-Locke approaches the plane, and can't be stopped by mere bullets! He snaps a couple necks, and steals a watch? A watch? Laughing at the Gilligan's Island-style stairway to the plane. Locke goes all Steven Seagal and finds a buh. No, not a buh, a bomb. Well, I'm assuming it's a bomb anyway. The Losties also make it to the plane, and Lapidas is happy to finally have something to do. Sawyer "son of a bitch"'s his way past the dead plane guards. Yep, it was a bomb. I win. Now Smokey wants to take the sub instead of the plane. Hurley brings up the excellent point that SMOKEY SHOULDN'T LEAVE THE ISLAND. Smokey gathers the troops to go after the sub, leading to...yes, more walking. Sawyer drops back with Jack and asks him to help make sure that Smokey doesn't get off the Island. Ahh Sawyer, always plotting.

Back from commercial, and Jack is back with Alterna-Locke. Did he just say "Push the button?" Oh hey, and there's Claire. Aaaaaand an Apollo bar. Claire inherited a mystery box. And this Jack has found another 815'er. The mystery box is a music box, although I don't recognize the tune. Jack invites Claire over to stay with him. Familiar bond? Or Gathering?

Back on the Island, and they're already to the sub. This season is not fucking around with a lot of walking anymore. Sawyer's Eleven (or Dirty Dozen) heads out to the dock and infiltrates the sub. Sawyer makes it to the captain, and the rest of the gang heads to the dock. Jack knocks Not-Locke into the water. Shooting occurs. Kate takes one in the shoulder from some hidden tree sniper. Locke shoots a lot more of Widmore's people, although being damp is probably making him cranky? Sawyer locks the sub up with Claire and Locke outside, then tells Lapidas to shove off. Claire is sad to be left out of the party, but Locke tells her that she doesn't want to be on that sub. Oooh, sneaky. Locke left the bomb in Jack's backpack. With less than four minutes to go before it blows. Tension!

Jin tells Lapidas to surface, while Sayid takes a look at the bomb. Looks like they can't surface in time. Jack goes into "Candidates are immortal" mode. Jack's new theory: Locke can't leave until the Candidates are dead, and he can't kill the Candidates on his own. Jack asks Sawyer to trust him one more time. Then they do the old "pull the wires and make the timer countdown faster" trick. Sayid grabs the bomb and takes one for the team, big time. I don't think Widmore is getting his deposit back on that sub now. The sub is filling with water fast, and the ladies are in big trouble. Hurley is tasked with saving Kate, and the rest of the menfolk stay to help Sun out from under a plot device. A heavy one, too. Sawyer gets knocked out, and now it's looking real bad for Sun. Guess we'll find out which one was the Candidate, huh? Jack makes it out with Sawyer, and now I'm going to be sad, as at least one Kwan looks to be dying here. Oh snap, looks like both. They profess their love and have one last makeout as the sub slowly sinks to the bottom of the ocean. Sad Lost music plays, as we see their hands drift apart under the water. And black.

Break for sadness.

And back to the hospital, Jin passes by Locke as he's being wheeled out. Jack comes up to say goodbye...and meddle, I'll wager. Ahh, Locke's accident was in a plane crash this time, a plane that Locke was flying. So the wheelchair is penance in this reality. Jack throws out a "what happened, happened", and advises Locke to let go of the guilt. Jack claims that he can help Locke, and wishes he believed him. Locke just rolls off.

Jack drags Sawyer out of the water, and Kate and Hurley are okay too. Hurley breaks down at the news that Jin and Sun are gone. Jack weeps at the ocean. Locke knows that not everyone died on the sub, and now he's off to finish what he started. And end.

Next week: Backgammon! L'il Jacob! Adult Jacob! Man in black! And?

See you in a week. Doctor Who, I swear, is next on my list.