Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Robin is a Hooker...also, Lost Live!

Yep, we're finally back from the Olympic hiatus, and since I'm home sick from work tonight, I'm going to fire off some live thoughts on Lost over the course of the episode. But first:

How I Met Your Mother: Good episode last night, focusing mostly on Ted, but introducing yet another new concept in the HIMYM-verse; that of The Hooker. This is a person who keeps stringing another person along without actually dating them, like a date in a glass case that you can break in case of emergency. While discussing Ted's hook situation, Lily admits that she's had the nerdy cafeteria guy at work on the hook for a while. Aww, poor guy. Ted's Hooker is a pharmacutical rep, which Barney proclaims to be the current "hottest chick profession" (even hotter than stewardess? Or gatherer?). So we get Barney nailing pharma-girls, Ted baking cakes (from a mix!) and giving footrubs, Robin hooking one of the camera guys at work, and Lily unable to let poor Scooter off the hook...maybe it's the tater tots. It all comes to a head when Ted's Hooker (which would make for a good episode title) breaks up with the boyfriend and invites Ted to an out of town wedding. Unfortunately, she's on the hook with the boyfriend (who's in a band!) and Ted is finally able to break the cycle and get off the hook. Nice to see the focus swing back to Ted for an episode, plus we got some funny running sight gags and Teenage Marshall at the end. Speaking of Marshall, his endorsement of Scooter's torch for Lily was funny ("I won't live that long") too. Good episode. Good times.

Oh yes, and the teacup pig.

And now for Lost:

Previously on Lost: Sayid died and came back. Dogan checked him for infection (note, this is what health care will be like under the Republican plan). Dogan tries to get Jack to slip the red pill to Sayid.

And we start with Alterna-Sayid getting out of a cab and showing up the doorstep of his ladyfriend, Nadia. Ooooh, Nadia is married with children. To his brother! Translating oil contracts...boring. Sayid's brother has business...jerk business. Oooh, tag! Picture of Nadia in Sayid's bag? Hopefully he hasn't been going steady with it.

-Temple Sayid busts in on Dogan and demands answers! Get off my plane! Sayid's scale is tipped the wrong way! Like on Celebrity Fit Club! Man, Dogan is one cold motherfucker. He's Asian Shaft. As I'm typing that, he gets all Jet Li on Sayid. Woot, fight fight fight fight! Sayid tumbles over stuff like he's in a 60s Batman fight. Stick fight! Baseball rolls off the table! Dogan...stops? He tells Sayid to GTFO and then holds the baseball like it's his baby.

Claire and Not-Locke! At the Temple! Shit's going down! And title.

Alterna-Sayid gets woken up by his brother after the commercial (or in my case, Texas election results) because he owes money to a loan shark. Ooh, he wants Sayid to do some...Sayid stuff to the guys. Like an episode of Spencer: For Hire!

Sayid and Miles (woot, Miles!) chat over by the salad bar, mostly about Sayid's two hours in Valhalla. Now, here comes Claire with a message for Dogan...who apparently doesn't get to be mysterious Japanese speaker anymore. Claire wants to set up a meeting with Dogan and Not-Locke. Nope, never mind. He's back to Japanese. He orders Claire to go in "the hole".

Dogan takes Sayid back into his office and pulls a mystery box out of some plants. That's where I hide my porn. Not in plants, in Dogan's box. If you look closely, you can see it under the dagger. Dogan tells Sayid to go stabbity on Locke when he sees him next, in order to prove that he's still got some good in his soul. Maybe they can dig up Nikki and Paulo and stab them too. That'd be awesome.

Sayid bonds with his niece and nephew while walking to school. Aww, mommy likes it when Sayid is there. Uh oh...Omar got f'ed up. Sayid goes into badass mode, but Nadia's trying to talk him down.

Now Sayid bumps into Kate. Seriously, how small is this place? Or is it so deserted that you can hear another Lostie from a mile away? Where did Miles find playing cards? Are they Dharma cards? Kate finds out from Miles that Claire is back. And still hot. I agree, crazy chicks have a certain aura of hotness. Like touching a hot plate, but with boobs. Sayid stops for a tasty beverage and then...here comes Smokey! And Sayid stabs him! Holy crapballs! And Not-Locke just pulls it out. Wow.

After the break, Locke gives Sayid the knife back, Because He Is Just That Badass. Not-Locke claims that Dogan set Sayid up by having try to stab Not-Locke. Valid point. Valid and EVIL. Ooh, looks like Dogan sent Sayid out as a messenger. And Not-Locke promises Sayid can have anything he wants in the world.

And then Sayid is gluing a pot/vase back together. Damn boomerangs, ruin everything. Oooh, Sayid pushed Nadia towards Omar. Not good! Sayid doesn't think he's worthy of Nadia because of how much torturing he did, back in the day.

Back to the future (that'd make a good movie title), Sayid returns to the Temple. He delivers Not-Locke's message: Jacob is dead, they don't have to stay at the Temple anymore, and he's leaving and taking anyone who wants to leave with him. Oh, and everybody still at the Temple dies at sundown.

Kate strongarms Julian Lennon and goes to visit Claire, who is singing in the hole in a very crazy way. Kate admits to having Aaron...oooh, that's not gonna end well. Yeah, Claire gives Kate the stink eye. The Temple Others drag Kate away, and Claire yells after her "He's coming". And commercial.

And now the Temple peeps are packing up and heading out. No Jacob, no safety, apparently. Sayid goes to return the dagger to Dogan...

...and some strange guy comes up to Alterna-Sayid and picks him up...and threatens the kids, IN ARABIC!! They take him to a kitchen with a lot of random knives scattered around. I don't think that is sanitary. Oh hey, young Christopher Walken is offering him eggs. A lot. Breakfast is the most important meal of the...afternoon? The loan shark has a nice chat with Sayid about money, and danger, and possibly more eggs. And now Sayid goes all Jack Bauer and offs two henchmen in less than the time it took me to type this. And then he shoots the loan shark, because he is Sayid, and he is badass. From the back, a muffled thumping...and it's Jin! Non-English Speaking Jin!

Now back to Dogan, who is contemplating things by the old Resurrection Hole. Sayid returns the dagger and asks why Dogan keeps trying to have other people kill him. Dogan used to be a businessman in Osaka? I keep forgetting that these people weren't just born here...well, except maybe Ben. Dogan did a little salaryman drunk driving, picked up his son, and got in a wreck.. Well, that's bad. Dogan traded his son's life for having to come to the island, work for him, and never see his son again. Jacob drives a hard bargain...and racks up the frequent flyer miles. Sayid grabs Dogan and they go into the pool! Marco! Polo! Drowning! Ahh, that explains the baseball. Oh snap, and Sayid goes all throat-slice on Lennon too! And here comes Smokey! And here's the Shadow of the Statue folks! Man, everyone's here!

Kate goes to rescue Claire, who doesn't want to go. Kate hops into the hole with Claire while Smoke Monster goes overhead. And here's Ben! I missed you, Ben. Man, Sayid is creepy now. Miles casually mentions to Sun that Jin is still alive. Just missed each other...awww.

What's her name finds the secret passage and they all get inside before Smokey comes after them (by all, I mean Sun, Miles, her, and Lapidas). Kate and Claire tour the wreckage inside the Temple, and Kate immediately goes for a gun. Sayid, Claire, and Not-Locke all give each other creepy looks, then Not-Locke leads a procession of people, Sayid, Claire, and Kate off into the jungle.

And that's it. Ben episode next week, which pleases me greatly. Not-Locke is building a little Legion of Doom now, and shit is getting serious. See you all next week!

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