Nothing on Lost was as awesome as Robots vs Wrestlers...

Don't get me wrong, Lost continues to be amazing heading into the final three hours or so of the show. However...Robots vs Wrestlers!

Let me explain, see How I Met Your Mother started us out with this awesome mixing of awesome things (and the gang's new tradition), and turned into a decent Ted episode. Including the Fourth Doppleganger!

This episode sets the table for a lot of things though: Robin not being with the group as much, which triggers Barney's fear that the group will fall apart, Ted's inherent douchey side, and then Marshall and Lily talking about when to start trying to have a baby. Also, Robots vs Wrestlers.

Poor Ted. Every time he tries to bring up some of his high-falutin interests, someone makes a fart noise to interrupt him. He gets an invitation to a fancy penthouse party in the mail (of Marissa, the previous tenant of his apartment), and drags the gang along...on the same night as Robots vs Wrestlers. How do you do that?

Great guest casting in the party, however, as Ted gets to hobnob with Peter Bogdosian, Ariana huffington, and Will Shortz. I remember Will from my years as a subscriber to GAMES magazine, so it's good to see him on my screen. The rest of the gang bails, as Ted decides to forgo Robots vs Wrestlers in order to stay and keep being the life of the snooty party. And there's where Marshall, Lily, and Barney run into...Mexican Wrestler Ted.

Yes, the fourth doppleganger has been found, and when Ted gets the picture on his phone, it makes him realize that he is approaching the "too much douchey" mark, and runs to be with his friends. In the end, Barney's fears fail to come to pass, Robin comes back just in time to interrupt Ted's poem with a fart noise, and Marshall and Lily realize that they can compromise on starting a family...at least until they find the last doppleganger.

Castle was decent, involving Demming helping out on an odd murder case, and Castle being all jealous and adorable. The metrosexuality between Castle, Ryan, and Esposito was funny, as was a few notes of a "Sex in the City"-fied version of the Castle theme in the background. Well played, music guy! Not much happens until the end, as Castle spies Beckett and Demming smooching, which should kick off our run to the season finale.

Now for Lost. Tonight was finally our Jacob and Man in Black flashback. And they litereally go back to the very beginning, as Jacob and MiB's mom (Claudia) washes up from a shipwreck and is helped by Allison Janney (unnamed). Claudia births her boys (wrapped in light and dark blankets, natch), and then Allison Jannet totally murders her with a rock. LOST.

So now the boys are teenagers, and MiB finds a box on the beach. Somehow he knows it's a game (with white and black rocks for game pieces), and he teaches Jacob to play (similar to how Locke taught Walt how to play backgammon). Jacob can't lie to Mom, and tells her about the game. Mom comes out to talk to MiB about it, and tells him that there's nothing across the sea, and that he'll never have to worry about becoming dead. The boys do a little boar hunting, but run into the survivors of Claudia's boat wreck. Asking Mom about this, she gives them a lecture on how much people suck, and how she made it so they can never hurt each other. She then blindfolds them and leads them to a waterfall and a glowing cave. The light from the cave is the source of...well, everything, apparently. The light inside the cave is an analog for the light inside of us, just more of it, and if the light goes away, then so do all of us.

Later, Jacob and MiB play the game some more...Jacob complains about the rules, and MiB tells him that one day he'll get to make his own rules and make him follow them. Hmmm. MiB sees his mother's ghost, and follows her to the village where the others (or...The Others?) live. miB tries to drag Jacob with him to go join their people, but Jacob is having none of it, and beats the tar out of MiB. MiB still goes to the village.

Flash to the present, where adult Jacob is still a mama's boy, but he still travels to visit his brother and play the game. MiB has found some of the spots on the Island where the electromagnetic energy is high, and they've dug wells to get closer to them. And hold Desmond, in a pinch.

Mom comes to visit MiB down in the well, and he shows her where they've broken through to the light. There's also the wheel (the one that transports Ben from the Island to the desert), which will channel the light. Mom knocks MiB out, like a bitch. Then she takes Jacob back to the original light cave, and names him the protector of it. The light is the heart of the Island, and the source of potentially everything. She claims that going down into the cave/into the light won't kill you, it'll be worse than death. Hmm, wonder how she knows? She pours him wine (from the bottle we saw in the Richard Alpert episode) while chanting, and makes him drink to become the protector.

MiB wakes up, sees the village burned to the ground, and his light-holes filled in. Man, she was busy. He's pretty pissed, and goes to mess up Mom and Jacob's place. She comes home to see the wreckage, and finds the box with the game in it, with (say it with me) one white and one black stone; then gets a dagger through the back, prison-style. She thanks MiB for killing her, then dies. Jacob comes home with the firewood, and beats the tar out of MiB again. This time though, he drags MiB back to the source and tosses his ass down the hole. What comes out?

The smoke monster.

Yep, that just happened. Jacob drags MiB's body back to the cave and arranges him next to Mom, then puts a bag in his hand with (say it with me) one white and one black stone in it. Then we get flashbacks from season 1 of Jack, Kate, and Locke finding the skeletons and the stones, just in case you forgot what went down.

And there you go. We know the story of Jacob and MiB, and the stones, and the origin story of the smoke monster. Next week...I dunno, the preview was vague. More present day Island fun though!

How I Met Your Esposito

Kicking things off is How I Met Your Mother. Last night's was totally a Ted episode, which has been sorely needed, especially after last week. The more I mulled over the last episode, the less I liked it (although I'm still a sucker for a monkey). This time around though, we start off with AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANGELA PETRELLI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, calmer. It's the actress, but now she's Ted's mom, and she's getting remarried to the perfect living stereotype of New Age hippie nonsense. At the wedding, Ted is bummed out that his mom has essentially lapped him, entering her second marriage while he is still waiting for his first. Skipping out on the toast (which is understandable after Clint's 12+ minute epic song), he disappears for 72 hours, and comes back a homeowner.

And it is the worst house ever, although I loved Barney's line about "Was it difficult to negotiate with the Blair Witch?". While Uncle Ruckus (no really, he does the voice on the Boondocks, seriously) inspects the house, Ted and the gang sit around and talk about feelings. Well, Barney talks more about Robin's feelings, as he won't stop telling people how she teared up at Clint's song. Except she didn't, it was Barney. Because he was sad about the time he made out with Ted's mom. Maybe. And he maybe got to second base. And his penis may be enormous.

Also, we get a new Marshall bit, where he tells a story of a stupid decision he made in his past, and the gang have to guess whether he was drunk, or a kid. Lily's dad should make that one into a board game, then bundle it with "Slap Bet!". After an epic (well, not so much) sledgehammer session, Ted still decides to keep the house, and in a nice montage, we see the torn-up wall become the same wall we see every week as Ted tells his kids this epic story. Very nicely done scene, and as such, the episode didn't even need a tag before the credits. The story of the house is a great insight into Ted (although nothing we didn't already really know), and a tangential take on the central mythology of the show. The Ted that bought this house is the Ted that stole a blue French Horn for Robin, and who will likely do something else impulsive to finally get The Mother...which should happen ANY TIME NOW!!! DO IT!!!

Okay, I'm better. Let's move on to Castle.

The highest compliment (and it is a compliment) that I can pay this show, is that I can't think of any other show on television that could pull off this storyline, and any cast that could walk the line between the levels of emotion pulled off in the episode. We get Flirty Beckett (with Demming, the new cop in town), Wacky Castle (seriously, between his Old Timey poker outfit {and Alexis' matching one...adorable], and his facial expressions through most of the episode), and Ultra Serious Esposito (with a cameo of Serious Ryan), this was a chance for most of the cast to stretch new muscles, especially Jon Huertas, who really stole the show this week. The case had a much smaller suspect pool, and thus the plot was tighter and kept you guessing until the end.

Esposito's arc with his dead partner, who turned out to be his alive/crooked partner, who then turned out to be his still-a-good-guy partner was some great writing coupled with great acting. Was that Jim Cramer as the crime boss? If so, good work from him. It was a better acting job than the one he does when he tries to convince people that he knows anything about the market, that's for sure *rimshot*. Ryan didn't have much to do, but he made the most of two scenes; the quasi-physical comedy of he, Esposito, and Castle swiping Demming's cell phone, and then the more serious scene he had with Esposito near the end of the episode. The concept of partners has been explored a lot on cop shows, and with Castle/Beckett many times on this show, but that one scene emphasized it without belaboring the point, a hard trick to pull off.

Speaking of Demming, I hear he'll be around for a while, and this third wheel in the Castle/Beckett relationship will likely drive the last few episodes of this season; possibly continuing into next year. The two played well together in their scenes this week, so he looks to be a good (temporary?) addition. Meanwhile, I feel inspired to check out some more Jon Huertas and pick up Generation Kill, the HBO miniseries he was in a couple years back.

Next up, LOST, then a big update next week, since I'll be out of town for the return of Thursday comedies, and the next Doctor Who.

Finally

The long awaited return of How I Met Your Mother has sent me into a tizzy of excitement. Then the episode threatened to make me sad. Then the ended made me all happy all over again. Let me explain:

We start off with Barney telling the story of how he convinced a girl that he was Neil Armstrong and was reverse-aging. They story got him laid, which was deserved. Anyone who can pull that off deserves a reward...IN HIS PANTS. Up top!

So then after a discussion of how much Marshall likes pizza, he reveals that he was mugged. Mugged? In New York? Oh noes! Lily freaks out over the news, and Robin tempts her towards the dark side with a REALLY BIG GUN. Seriously huge. Suspension of disbelief follows, as we cut to Lily at the shooting range, and her arms should have been torn clean off of her body by the recoil from Robin's hand cannon. Marshall, not wanting Lily to get a gun, reveals that he was actually mugged by a monkey. Only Marshall...and the gang goes into the patented "sit around the booth and crack jokes about the situation" scenes, although Barney's suppositions about the involvement of a banana really made the scene. Robin, whose morning show is still the equivalent of watching paint dry (Or like three episodes of Chuck), insists that Marshall come on her show and tell the story. Marshall is forced to reveal to Ted and Barney that the story is a fake that he made up to stop Lily from buying a gun. Of note is the fact that Ted can't tell if Marshall is lying or not.

So we all come together in the end at Robin's show; Ted and his mystery sheet (containing his scale model of the Empire State Building), the creepy doll guy, the bored camera man and his paper airplanes, and of course, the money that may or may not have robbed Marshall. Marshall becomes the ultimate guy in the middle here: If he was mugged by a person, then Lily will buy a gun and Robin loses her journalistic credibility. If he was mugged by a monkey, then the monkey will be separated from his mate, and Marshall will be a national laughingstock. What does Marshall do? Well, he goes home, and no one ever knows what the truth was.

Now, what turns this episode from "Any episode of any sitcom" to "How I Met Your Mother-worthy"? Well, the monkey escapes, grabs a doll, and climbs to the top of the scale Empire State Building, then is bombarded by paper airplanes. A long way to go to set up a joke? Oh yes. Oh hells yes. And that's why I missed you, How I Met Your Mother. <3

This is why I watch LOST

"The story moves too slow"

"They never answer any of the questions"

"Nikki and Paulo sucked"

"They're just making it up as they go along"

Okay, the Nikki and Paulo thing is valid. Otherwise though, tonight's episode defies all complaints. Why? Benajmin F-ing Linus.

Ever since his first appearance as Henry Gale, Henry Ian Cusick has been elevating Lost with every appearance. Tonight was our "Ben episode", and it was a doozy. Best of the season so far, and when it's all said and done, may be one of the top ten, maybe top five, episodes of the series.

It starts off with Ben alone in the jungle and spotting Ilana (aka Ana-Lucia II), and her merry band of Miles, Sun, and Lapidus. He follows them to the beach where they start cannibalizing the old camp, since the Temple is no longer a safe place for them (being all full of corpses and all). However, Ilana shackles Ben to a tree and makes him start digging his own grave, for what he did to Jacob (Miles being the psychic snitch that he is). Interesting that we finally get a definition of Miles' abilities, as he's only able to tell the dead person's last thoughts and what happened right before their death, and only if he's near the body. Good to know.

Then we jump to Alterna-Ben...excuse me, Dr. Linus, as high school teacher and colleague of new substitute teacher John Locke. Linus feels put upon by the Principal (played by the snooty professor from Real Genius), but what can he do about it? "How about become the principal?", says Old Helpful Mr. Locke. The seeds planted, Linus comes home to his dad, good old Roger Workman, who is old and decrepit, and being taken care of by his good son Ben (instead of being "taken care of" by Island Ben). We get our first hint of new timeline events, as Roger did join the Dharma Initiative and they did go to the Island, but then they left. But why? And I guess Ben never got shot by Sayid? Oh, and here's Alex at the door. An Alex who isn't his daughter, but it his prize pupil. In the course of some extra tutoring, she reveals that the principal is giving the old hot lunch to the nurse, which sets Ben's wheels to turning.

Back on the Island, Hurley and Jack are on their way back to the Temple (although Hurley is trying to trick Jack into taking the long way), when Richard just pops right out of the jungle, and takes them in a third direction. They end up at the Black Rock, where Richard has decided that it's time to die. Jacob gave him immortality in exchange for service (and you said Lost never answers things!), but with Jacob dead and Richard never having been clued in to his grand plan, he's feeling a little emo (which finally explains the guyliner!) and wants Jack to help blow himself up. Jack agrees, but sits down right across from Richard after lighting the fuse, certain that based on the events of The Lighthouse, that Jack won't die. Wow, Jack went from unbeliever to full on drinking the Kool-Aid quickly, didn't he? Well, guess there's not much time to dally now. The fuse fizzles, and Jack's newfound mystical hubris can't be a good thing. Or can it?

Back in the "present", Ben enlists some help in hacking the principals email files, then confronts him with the evidence and his offer: Resign and recommend Ben for the top job, or have his career and marriage destroyed. However, nobody fucks with William Atherton, and he counter-blackmails Ben: He can have his job, but the last thing he does will be to destroy Alex's chances of getting into Yale. Ahh, so now we're coming around full circle: Ben has the chance to save Alex, which he wasn't able to do back on the Island.

And back on the Island, Not-Locke has shown up to offer Ben a chance to escape grave-digging duty and join Locke's Army at the Hydra station. Locke makes a break for it, gets the drop on Ilana, but can't shoot her. Instead, he bares his soul, explaining why he killed Jacob, and lamenting his own failure to save Alex when he had the chance. This is where the episode really grabbed me, as Linus has always been the man who manipulates and conspires in order to fulfill the destiny that he is sure he has: of power, leadership, and respect. All he ever needed to be, however, was a father. His own father tried and failed, and Ben followed in those footsteps. That rage, coupled with a nudge or two from Not-Locke, destroyed his life. In the obvious parallel, Locke's gentle nudge sets up another situation where Ben has the chance to put aside his personal goals in order to save Alex. And, after a quick headfake, we see that without the Island (well, without the current Island), he is able to make the right choice, saving Alex's future. Sacrifice. It is a theme, my friends.

So back on the Island, Ilana tells Ben that she'll have him (after Ben tells her that he's going to Locke because no one else would have him). Seriously, if you haven't seen it, watch the scene (or watch it again). It's a remarkable act of kindness towards a man who has seen so little of it. Ben and Ilana come back to camp just in time for Hurley, Jack, and Richard to show up. The love theme from Lost plays as we have a happy reunion, and it just about destroys me watching Ben's body language as he stands there, alone, as everybody else renews the bonds that they've made. Even if you'd never seen an episode, that scene right there just encapsulates Benjamin Linus. As the hugs and handshakes commence on the beach, a periscope breaches the water. For a moment, I thought Locke had already bailed, but it turns out to be...Widmore. WHOOOOOO!!! Can't wait for next week. Suck it, haters!

Castle: Nice to have an episode that just seemed like an excuse for some witty banter, with the actual crime somewhat on the back burner. Not that it wasn't a bad episode in that respect, we get the usual twists and turns, and some nice subtle things set up in the beginning that set up the end reveal well. The ability to make endless gags about the whole bondage scene though, that was where the episode earned the money. I have the feeling that this show could take the same characters, make them any profession, and still turn out winning episodes. The ensemble is just that much fun. Alexis' cheerleader subplot was harmless enough, and it was just a fun hour of television, so I'll leave it at that and just say "check it out if you haven't already".

How I Met Your Mother: Now this was an episode with layers. It starts out with Barney and this week's Special Guest Star: Jennifer Lopez. Barney wants her taco flavored kisses, but she's playing incredibly hard to get (while Barney is just incredibly hard: Up top!). Turns out, she wrote a book on playing hard to get, AND it turns out that Robin set her on Barney to get back at him for how cavalier he's been about their breakup. What looked like a light fluffy guest start showcase turned into a fairly deep episode about Robin and how badly she took the breakup. There were still laughs though, especially Marshall's "bangity bang bang" song regarding Barney's post-breakup conquests (even better was Ted coming in for a verse, followed by Barney playing the spoons). Ted's eerie "Superdate" song just came out of nowhere, but the Superdate sets up the finale, Barney promising not to nail J-Lo as way of making it up to Robin, then sending her on the Superdate with Don. The breakup of Brobin was very abrupt, and if this is what the writers had in mind all along for the post-Brobin episodes, then kudos to them. This show continues to chart new sitcom ground.

Robin is a Hooker...also, Lost Live!

Yep, we're finally back from the Olympic hiatus, and since I'm home sick from work tonight, I'm going to fire off some live thoughts on Lost over the course of the episode. But first:

How I Met Your Mother: Good episode last night, focusing mostly on Ted, but introducing yet another new concept in the HIMYM-verse; that of The Hooker. This is a person who keeps stringing another person along without actually dating them, like a date in a glass case that you can break in case of emergency. While discussing Ted's hook situation, Lily admits that she's had the nerdy cafeteria guy at work on the hook for a while. Aww, poor guy. Ted's Hooker is a pharmacutical rep, which Barney proclaims to be the current "hottest chick profession" (even hotter than stewardess? Or gatherer?). So we get Barney nailing pharma-girls, Ted baking cakes (from a mix!) and giving footrubs, Robin hooking one of the camera guys at work, and Lily unable to let poor Scooter off the hook...maybe it's the tater tots. It all comes to a head when Ted's Hooker (which would make for a good episode title) breaks up with the boyfriend and invites Ted to an out of town wedding. Unfortunately, she's on the hook with the boyfriend (who's in a band!) and Ted is finally able to break the cycle and get off the hook. Nice to see the focus swing back to Ted for an episode, plus we got some funny running sight gags and Teenage Marshall at the end. Speaking of Marshall, his endorsement of Scooter's torch for Lily was funny ("I won't live that long") too. Good episode. Good times.

Oh yes, and the teacup pig.

And now for Lost:


Previously on Lost: Sayid died and came back. Dogan checked him for infection (note, this is what health care will be like under the Republican plan). Dogan tries to get Jack to slip the red pill to Sayid.

And we start with Alterna-Sayid getting out of a cab and showing up the doorstep of his ladyfriend, Nadia. Ooooh, Nadia is married with children. To his brother! Translating oil contracts...boring. Sayid's brother has business...jerk business. Oooh, tag! Picture of Nadia in Sayid's bag? Hopefully he hasn't been going steady with it.

-Temple Sayid busts in on Dogan and demands answers! Get off my plane! Sayid's scale is tipped the wrong way! Like on Celebrity Fit Club! Man, Dogan is one cold motherfucker. He's Asian Shaft. As I'm typing that, he gets all Jet Li on Sayid. Woot, fight fight fight fight! Sayid tumbles over stuff like he's in a 60s Batman fight. Stick fight! Baseball rolls off the table! Dogan...stops? He tells Sayid to GTFO and then holds the baseball like it's his baby.

Claire and Not-Locke! At the Temple! Shit's going down! And title.

Alterna-Sayid gets woken up by his brother after the commercial (or in my case, Texas election results) because he owes money to a loan shark. Ooh, he wants Sayid to do some...Sayid stuff to the guys. Like an episode of Spencer: For Hire!

Sayid and Miles (woot, Miles!) chat over by the salad bar, mostly about Sayid's two hours in Valhalla. Now, here comes Claire with a message for Dogan...who apparently doesn't get to be mysterious Japanese speaker anymore. Claire wants to set up a meeting with Dogan and Not-Locke. Nope, never mind. He's back to Japanese. He orders Claire to go in "the hole".



Dogan takes Sayid back into his office and pulls a mystery box out of some plants. That's where I hide my porn. Not in plants, in Dogan's box. If you look closely, you can see it under the dagger. Dogan tells Sayid to go stabbity on Locke when he sees him next, in order to prove that he's still got some good in his soul. Maybe they can dig up Nikki and Paulo and stab them too. That'd be awesome.

Sayid bonds with his niece and nephew while walking to school. Aww, mommy likes it when Sayid is there. Uh oh...Omar got f'ed up. Sayid goes into badass mode, but Nadia's trying to talk him down.

Now Sayid bumps into Kate. Seriously, how small is this place? Or is it so deserted that you can hear another Lostie from a mile away? Where did Miles find playing cards? Are they Dharma cards? Kate finds out from Miles that Claire is back. And still hot. I agree, crazy chicks have a certain aura of hotness. Like touching a hot plate, but with boobs. Sayid stops for a tasty beverage and then...here comes Smokey! And Sayid stabs him! Holy crapballs! And Not-Locke just pulls it out. Wow.

After the break, Locke gives Sayid the knife back, Because He Is Just That Badass. Not-Locke claims that Dogan set Sayid up by having try to stab Not-Locke. Valid point. Valid and EVIL. Ooh, looks like Dogan sent Sayid out as a messenger. And Not-Locke promises Sayid can have anything he wants in the world.

And then Sayid is gluing a pot/vase back together. Damn boomerangs, ruin everything. Oooh, Sayid pushed Nadia towards Omar. Not good! Sayid doesn't think he's worthy of Nadia because of how much torturing he did, back in the day.

Back to the future (that'd make a good movie title), Sayid returns to the Temple. He delivers Not-Locke's message: Jacob is dead, they don't have to stay at the Temple anymore, and he's leaving and taking anyone who wants to leave with him. Oh, and everybody still at the Temple dies at sundown.

Kate strongarms Julian Lennon and goes to visit Claire, who is singing in the hole in a very crazy way. Kate admits to having Aaron...oooh, that's not gonna end well. Yeah, Claire gives Kate the stink eye. The Temple Others drag Kate away, and Claire yells after her "He's coming". And commercial.

And now the Temple peeps are packing up and heading out. No Jacob, no safety, apparently. Sayid goes to return the dagger to Dogan...

...and some strange guy comes up to Alterna-Sayid and picks him up...and threatens the kids, IN ARABIC!! They take him to a kitchen with a lot of random knives scattered around. I don't think that is sanitary. Oh hey, young Christopher Walken is offering him eggs. A lot. Breakfast is the most important meal of the...afternoon? The loan shark has a nice chat with Sayid about money, and danger, and possibly more eggs. And now Sayid goes all Jack Bauer and offs two henchmen in less than the time it took me to type this. And then he shoots the loan shark, because he is Sayid, and he is badass. From the back, a muffled thumping...and it's Jin! Non-English Speaking Jin!

Now back to Dogan, who is contemplating things by the old Resurrection Hole. Sayid returns the dagger and asks why Dogan keeps trying to have other people kill him. Dogan used to be a businessman in Osaka? I keep forgetting that these people weren't just born here...well, except maybe Ben. Dogan did a little salaryman drunk driving, picked up his son, and got in a wreck.. Well, that's bad. Dogan traded his son's life for having to come to the island, work for him, and never see his son again. Jacob drives a hard bargain...and racks up the frequent flyer miles. Sayid grabs Dogan and they go into the pool! Marco! Polo! Drowning! Ahh, that explains the baseball. Oh snap, and Sayid goes all throat-slice on Lennon too! And here comes Smokey! And here's the Shadow of the Statue folks! Man, everyone's here!

Kate goes to rescue Claire, who doesn't want to go. Kate hops into the hole with Claire while Smoke Monster goes overhead. And here's Ben! I missed you, Ben. Man, Sayid is creepy now. Miles casually mentions to Sun that Jin is still alive. Just missed each other...awww.

What's her name finds the secret passage and they all get inside before Smokey comes after them (by all, I mean Sun, Miles, her, and Lapidas). Kate and Claire tour the wreckage inside the Temple, and Kate immediately goes for a gun. Sayid, Claire, and Not-Locke all give each other creepy looks, then Not-Locke leads a procession of people, Sayid, Claire, and Kate off into the jungle.

And that's it. Ben episode next week, which pleases me greatly. Not-Locke is building a little Legion of Doom now, and shit is getting serious. See you all next week!

Mondays Are No Longer Huge!

Yes that's right, Mondays have now been diminished (well, some would say improved) because Heroes is over for the season, maybe even forever. No slight against How I Met Your Mother or Castle, because both of those shows knocked it out of the park tonight (especially a baseball themed Castle), but Heroes was one of the reasons I started this blog (mostly to rant about it) and now it is done with. Before the Heroes post-mortem, let's talk of happier times.

How I Met Your Mother: I was watching the Super Bowl and caught the bit with Barney in the stands holding a sign with his phone number on it. If you called, you got a phone message like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SETy6IMYmwk

Hopefully the link still works, but it's a cute recording of Barney telling you to meet him at MacLaren's Pub at a certain time and date (the one in the video is October of 2016). Funny bit, and I wondered if it would pay off on tonight's episode...and boy did it ever. The episode kicks off with Barney's sign, leading to his "magic phone" which is constantly ringing (with possibly the most annoying ring tone ever) from hot women who are calling. Quick aside; wouldn't some of the women be not hot? Or curious guys? Or curious gays? Anyway, logic aside, this leads to Barney being slowly driven insane with an unending stream of girls to score with, only he can't bring himself to settle on one long enough to do the deed, worried that there's a hotter one calling every time the phone rings. Also, since this is the Valentine's Day episode as well as the Super Bowl episode, Ted and Robin get romance related storylines. Robin's is about her co-anchor Don, who asks her over to his place on a date/to a party (depending on who you ask). Robin doesn't want to go, but the rest of the gang can tell that she likes him (or is just giving her shit about it), leading to the most confusing, yet most epic, sequence this show has possibly ever given us: the rabbit or duck argument. Ted brings out one of those optical illusions where it looks like a rabbit, but also looks like a duck (for the record, I saw duck first, and it took me a good 10 seconds to see the rabbit). The theory is that she thinks he's a rabbit (which is bad), but that he's actually a duck (which is good). The hilarity comes when Marshall pipes up that he thinks rabbits are way more awesome than ducks, which leads to a fast-forwarded argument in which the other three at the table debate/bully Marshall into changing his opinion. So many great lines in that scene, go watch it (or watch it again if you've already seen it) and enjoy.

As for Ted, he gives Marshall and Lily free reign to set up an arranged marriage date for him (thanks to the input of Ranjit, who, between the knitting and carrying Barney out of the bar, was comedy gold tonight) for Valentine's Day...which they forget about. Before the date, Ted accompanies Robin to Don's party, which just turns out to be Don doing "The Naked Man".. Whooo!!! Callbacks!!! Ted bails for his date, which in classic HIMYM flashback fashion, is revealed to be someone from the magic phone which Marshall and Lily had taken away from Barney. Ted (or should I say, Teddy Westside) falls under the spell of the phone before Lily dunks it in a pitcher of beer, ending the madness. Robin comes to work to find that Don has had a change of heart regarding his job (and even wore pants), and that should take us into some Don/Robin relationship stories for the next few weeks. Great episode.

Castle was also great tonight, going back to those basics that it does so well. The plots are your basic procedural stuff, well done but with all the twists in the right spots. I don't say that in a bad way; Castle does a lot with the procedural, but it's the small bits that make the show so good. I'm not always a fan of stunt casting, but Beckett being starstruck by meeting Joe Torre was such an adorable character moment for her that it just made the scene. My favorite bit though was back at the station when Esposito and Ryan are tossing a baseball back and forth while talking over the case with Beckett. Castle enters with his coffee, they toss the ball to him, and he misses the catch by a mile, sending the ball off to who knows where and he keeps talking without even acknowledging the miss. Small moment, huge character moment, and had me cracking up. Also present was perhaps the seeds of a larger storyline as we learn (through Alexis' genealogy project) that Castle doesn't know who his father is. Whether it leads to anything or not, it still led to a sweet moment at the end between Castle and Alexis, a duo who haven't been together as much in recent episodes, but which provides a lot of heart to a genre that doesn't normally go for it.

Oh, and RAY WISE!!! I know the whole "I'm calling my expensive lawyer" thing is pretty standard when the bad guy gets arrested, but I hold out a tiny shred of hope that the finale can involve Ray Wise trying to have the case thrown out because of Castle's involvement. Probably not a strong story post, but I just want more Ray Wise.

And finally (maybe literally) we come to Heroes. With as much as the plot dragged on all season, they sure didn't waste any time resolving everything in one episode. There's a little thing called pacing, and it works wonders when you're trying to keep your show on the air. Looking back at the season as a whole, there was so much that was just a huge timewaste and had little or nothing to do with the actual ending of the actual story.

We start off with Samuel...and big surprise, he's making a speech. Blah blah blah, oh hey big reveal, they're in Central Park. Not much of a surprise considering that Samuel was all "let's all go to Central Park" at the end of last week's episode. Samuel uses Doyle to force Emma to play Pied Piper (okay, Pied Cellist) and gather people around the Carnival.

Couple of quick thoughts: A) It's a carnival in the middle of Central Park, how much extra magic power voodoo do you need to get a crowd? B) Did they file the proper permits? Is there a "special" there with the ability to push through New York State bureaucracy? Not even one scene of a couple of cops asking around and getting taken out by Samuel? The guy is supposed to be evil by this point...SHOW US EVIL!!! He's a dirty Irish guy who loves the sound of his own voice and can control the weak minded...he's Bono, not Bin Laden.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Claire and HRG are stuck underground in a trailer thanks to Magnet-O', and quickly running out of air. Well, HRG is, Claire will apparently keep regenerating her lungs. Now, I'm no doctor, but I don't think "regenerating lungs" is the same as "getting air to her brain", but what do I know, I don't have a low-rated NBC series. Anyway, HRG almost gets to leave the show by dying with dignity, but Deus Ex Tracy shows up long enough to rescue them, draw a paycheck, then see if Doritos is still hiring. Oh hey, and the helicopter just showed up too! See what I mean about pacing? That could have been an episode of "trying to escape, having a heart to heart talk, Tracy rescues them", then the "go to carnival, do things there" stuff would be in the finale. Instead, they're rescued before we even have time to care about whether HRG might not make it.

Meanwhile, Parkman makes a sandwich. Well, he tries to, but the Human Xerox Machine is there, and they gang up on Parkman. Just before they can make him eat a turd, Peter and New Sylar knock out the Xerox Prime and the clones disappear. Parkman takes either way too long or way too short to be convinced enough of Sylar's change of heart. Oh, and speaking of heart...okay, so Parkman looks inside Sylar's mind to see if he's really repented. Parkman isn't convinced though, because "he's seen inside his mind, but not his heart". Oh give me a fucking break! This must have been written by the same anatomy expert who gave us Claire's magical regenerating lungs.

Now we go to Hiro, who has made a full recovery from his brain surgery/psychic trial/acid trip and is ready to just hop out of bed and do whatever it is he does. Luckily, the Plot Advancing Nurse comes in to tell Hiro what to do next, rather than force his actions to occur naturally within the story. It's an note from Charlie and she's an old lady! TWIST! Turns out, Samuel hid Charlie in the 40's where she lived out her life. In Milwaukee in the 40's. But now she's in the same hospital as Hiro for no reason other than to help out a lazy writer who just wants to get this season over with, apparently. Hiro offers to fix things, but Charlie has had a good Hiro-free life and doesn't want to psychically murder her offspring by undoing all the time travel nonsense. Charlie, must be the most tolerant character on all of television. Seriously, she gets taken away from her life, sent back to an era that doesn't have the internet or cable, and doesn't seem bitter at all. If you set her hair on fire, she'd probably be all "Oh, my hair's on fire...well, it was getting a little chilly in here". For that matter, Charlie has the ability to remember everything she's ever read right? And she's 60 years in the past, right? Shouldn't she be the richest woman alive from playing the stock market? Or from betting on sports (The Biff Tannen Method)? Or inventing stuff? I can understand hiding her superpower from people, but hiding foreknowledge of the next 65 years of history? Yeah, I know it goes into all the "don't mess with the past" stuff that Hiro's always babbling on about, but this is seriously just crap. Hiro and Charlie do the best they can with the material, and Hiro saying goodbye is a nice bittersweet moment, but it's nestled in a big basket of lazy crap writing. Just as they finish up, Ando gets the "it's time to wrap this crapfest up" call on the special Heroes Hotline or something, and they teleport to Central Park.

So now we have all of our players (well, all the players that didn't get ignored all season) together in Central Park, ready to wrap things up. Claire goes to try talking, since that worked so well every other time she's tried it. Oh hey, there's the plant guy! Geez, with that outfit, he was probably better off being homeless. Anyway, so Claire does the whole "catch up the audience on the season" thing, which the carnies are blowing off. Then Ray Park and HRG show up to back her story up, which doesn't do much else more. However, Xerox Guy shows up, and thanks to Parkman's mental instructions, confesses to his part in the shooting of Lydia. This causes the sheep...I mean carny folk to break up the family and get out of Dodge. Meanwhile, Sylar goes to save Emma from Fat Jeff Dunham, which is predictable and boring. Samuel has a freakout and runs on stage (ooh, to give a speech?) to start the earth-based massacre. Peter flies (flies? did I forget something?) into him and they have an incredibly boring dirt fight and talk about each other's dead brothers for a while. Just long enough for Hiro to show up, teleport everyone away, and then stay gone. Poor Masi Oka...let's get this guy on 24 or something.

So Samuel's power supply is cut off and he's led out in cuffs. Everyone gets to celebrate, and Volume 5 is over. Now here's Volume 6 and...oh crap, Claire's going to do something stupid. Thanks to the conveniently contrived news camera in her face, she decides to speak for everyone else with a power and out herself as a special, Midland-style. At least the climb to the top of the Ferris Wheel took long enough for every other character there to have the chance to react to it. Okay, and seriously? Having everybody just stare dumbly while she climbs? Lame. She lands, she heals, and it's over. Great, now the last thing I'll ever have seen on Heroes is Claire's dumb face staring at me.

Okay, so here's what kills me about this finale: There was no real reason for Sylar to be there to save Emma (or to turn good, for that matter), Hiro was only there as a freaking BUS, Claire and HRG were only in danger for about 8 minutes, and most of the other characters from this season (or seasons past) were just gone for no reason other than not being in the episode. Ensemble shows need ensemble casts, and this cast is Claire and Peter and then some other people who come and go. Sylar is a great character, but he has no consistency. Why should I buy into a reformed Sylar when he's only been reformed for 3 hours and he has a history of turning right back to evil? Why should a petulant and gullible teenage girl get to decide for everybody else that the world needs to know about specials? Why does Peter only have one facial expression? Heroes gave us a lame and boring villain, and lame and boring protagonists to "take him down" with. What did we really get out of this season? Claire might be gay, Peter...nothing, Hiro had a brain tumor and now he doesn't anymore, Sylar is magically good, and Samuel accomplished nothing. The whole season was a interminable march to this point, where the specials are now known about. Great, you spent 5 seasons getting us to Issue #1 of X-Men. If Heroes gets canceled soon, I'll come back with a full obituary of the series. Unfortunately, I have the feeling that it will come back to torment me for another season, so we'll just spend the time until then watching some much better shows.

Heroes is almost over!

Yes, the season finale of Heroes is eminent, which is odd considering how many things are left unanswered at this point, as well as how unlikely it seems that Heroes will be picked up, considering how expensive the cast must be getting and how bad the ratings have been. Still, stranger things have happened.

The crux of this episode was Peter and Sylar's Excellent Adventure, hanging out in Sylar's mental prison (courtesy of temporary badass Matt Parkman) and having a little bonding time. Per Sylar, every hour spent there feels like a year, so they spend roughly nine years swinging away at a wall with a sledgehammer before finally starting to put their differences aside and escape. Honestly, the storyline was interesting in concept, but fairly dull in resolution. Peter and Sylar have been the tentpoles of the show ever since the big Season 1 showdown, and so giving them this much time to just talk is both overdue, and just weird considering how many other things are going on. Maybe I've just been burned too many times on "Sylar turns over a new leaf", so I'll believe it when I see it...and then still not believe it because they can just turn him evil again on a whim, like they always seem to do.

Meanwhile, the Claire/HRG storyline boils down to a lot of flashbacks (cause hey, Company Man was awesome, right?), and we get the MOST CLICHE'D ORIGIN STORY EVER for how Noah turned into HRG. Oh my goodness, his wife was murdered by a special! Lame, even by Heroes standards.

Samuel has a chat with Blonde Agent, has a chat with Claire, and announces plans to go to...wait for it...New York City. Sigh. Wake me when it's over. He buries Claire and HRG in a trailer to end the episode on what passes for a cliffhanger these days. I can't work up any more interest than this, I swear.

How I Met Your Mother, on the other hand, was much better, focusing on Barney's quest for The Perfect Week. Having Jim Nantz as a framing device was great, as were the sports metaphors running through the episode. It was a light and fluffy episode, plenty of good gags (the "Cook Pu" joke in particular), and the kicker was the very end as Ted speculates about telling this story to his kids, followed by "Am I a bad father?" to finish it all off. Not much else to say, just a funny half hour of TV. And I'm distracted by the pending return of Lost.

I love you, Lost!!!

Only Heroes today

Oh Matt Parkman. Just when I think you couldn't get any dumber, you do something like this...




...and TOTALLY redeem yourself!

Okay, it's going to take way more to get me back on the Heroes bandwagon (which doesn't exist, because I can't imagine anyone defending this show anymore), but that was a pretty badass scene. When we left off last week, Sylar had come to Parkman to get him to take away his powers, thinking them to be the source of his insanity/homicidal rage/sweet eyebrows. Parkman fails to do so, so Sylar starts to go all cuckoobananas on Janice. Parkman has a quick huddle with his wife, who breaks with tradition for this show by offering good advice and tells Matt to "bury him". Parkman summons all of his powers of rack focus and shaky cam, and goes through the clip show of Sylar's mind, finding his deepest fear: of dying alone (thanks Hiro!). He pulls a "Dad move" and traps Sylar in his own mind, all alone...which is pretty awesome, I'm not gonna lie. Someone on the show is a Poe fan, because Parkman goes all "Cask of Amontillado" on him. For the record, add bricklaying to the list of things Parkman sucks at.

However, Peter picks that time to drop by, after dreaming a little dream of Emma, Sylar, the carnival, and the puppet master making Emma keep playing. After a depressing visit to mom, he comes to Parkman to find Sylar, then takes Parkman's power (without even asking! What a douche!). Quick scan of the pamphlet that is Parkman's mind, and he zips downstairs to wake Sylar up. Parkman does a little mental mumbo jumbo to Peter though, and Peter ends the episode wandering a deserted downtown area.

If that was the whole episode, I could have given it a high grade (if I actually gave grades here), but unfortunately it just wouldn't be an episode of Heroes without a few torturous scenes involving...

Claire. Sigh. Okay, so she swings by Bennet's place (who is off being in full HRG mode again, so we're going to call him that again) for a talk, only to bump into Blonde Agent, who decides to let Claire in so she can bask in the glorious assault plan (which apparently consists solely of "headshot, boom!"). She bails, and then goes straight for Samuel like the good little idiot character she is. She convinces Samuel to turn himself in, and then as he's giving, surprise, a speech to the rest of the carnies, someone opens fire on them. Babies and pets probably believe that it's HRG firing the shots, but everybody else waits until the inevitable reveal of the second gunman (just like in Dallas!). HRG picks him off, but it's one of Multiplicity Man's clones, then HRG gets coldcocked by another clone (or the real thing, who actually cares anymore) and dragged to the carnival to get blamed for the shootings. Meanwhile, Lydia catches a bullet and Samuel lets her make out with his soul so that she can explain what just happened for the aforementioned babies and pets. Thus, we learn our two lessons for the day: Claire is dumb, and the writers think we are equally dumb.

Oh yeah, and Blonde Agent gets shot and calls Tracy Strauss. Oh boy, more Tracy Strauss.

No HIMYM this week, but new Castle is on deck. Deuces! (as the kids say)

NBC Monday Disappoints Me, But Not For The Obvious Reason...

With nothing of note happening on Sunday (because I just can't bring myself to care about 24 anymore), Monday had some big shoes to fill. Fortunately, we had a Neil Patrick Harris-directed episode of How I Met Your Mother to start me off with.

"Jenkins" was a fairly innocuous episode, not advancing much of the plot, but it was a much needed Marshall/Lily episode. Marshall has some of the best bits of the show; tonight it was stopping off at a college bar to defend his 2009 Skeeball title (as "Big Fudge"), and then freaking out over being the Reacher and not the Settler in his relationship. Unfortunately, since NPH was behind the camera, the episode suffered from a distinct lack of Barney. Guest star Amanda Peet (who ruined Studio 60, there I said it) filled in admirably, albeit only as a catalyst for the Reacher/Settler story. The only payoff to the storyline was Lily calmly taking off her scarf and earrings as Marshall and Jenkins relate the story of the kiss, then Lily goes total MMA on Jenkins, making Marshall feel loved...and scared. Very scared.

The other half of the episode was Ted discovering that his students all watch Robin's morning show specifically for the "But,um" drinking game. As someone who knows a "But, um'er", I was more amused by this than I had any right to be. The ending was ripped straight from the "24 drinking game"(where people would drink every time Jack Bauer says "Dammit"), and how Keifer Sutherland discovered the game's existence and made it a point to ad lib a few extra "dammit"s per episode, to help get the kids good and wasted. Decent episode, but a little bit of a letdown after last week.

Now for NBC. I'm man enough to admit it: I liked Heroes this week. Not a lot, and it was solely because they led with their one-two punch: Hiro and Sylar. Granted, the quality was drug down, mostly due to Claire, Samuel, and the borderline stupidity of the Hiro storyline.

Hiro: Passes out in Bennett's apartment and dreams a trial for his crimes against the space time continuum. Bonus points for bringing back Hiro's father and Adam Monroe. Extra bonus points for Hiro's mom and the sword fight with Hiro and Adam. Minus a few points for the deus ex machina of Hiro's mom curing his cancer (or whatever the hell happened...was it surgery, was it magic...I no longer trust this show to answer anything satisfactorily), but I'm just happy that the brain tumor stuff is out of the equation now. Granted, the cynic in me is dreading the next terrible way that they'll de-power Hiro again, but at least we got this one good moment out of it.

Sylar: Only Zachary Quinto can make long scenes with Claire seem interesting, and he deserves a medal and a raise for pulling it off tonight. Long story short, after a heart to heart (and then heart to shapeshifted heart) chat with Claire (and I do mean long), Sylar realizes that getting rid of his ill-gotten powers may be the key to happiness (spoiler alert: it won't), and Claire realizes that she's totally gay for Gretchen (spoiler alert: I still won't care). The last scene with Sylar popping up at Parkman's house was nice, even if it does mean more Parkman.

Samuel: Oh geez, all of this carnival crap was so that he can re-enact Hallmark cards with good old whatshername? Great, now Samuel is finally "all evil", and it's for spurned love? What a steaming pile. This can only get worse now that most of the side quests are ending and we appear to be gearing up for the slow plod to the season (please be series) finale.

Finally, since Castle wasn't uploaded in time, I decided to give Chuck another try. My history with Chuck goes like this: I watched it, was amused for a while, got more and more annoyed by the repetitive storylines, then gave up on it early into season 2. However, with the media blitz (and Seth Meyers had it right, NBC is riding Chuck to success or failure this year), I decided to give it another shot. And guess what, it's right back where it was when I quit on it.

Here's what I didn't like about Chuck:

-The Buy More. The characters there were all fairly unlikeable, and the storylines there just seemed to exist to kill time or to awkwardly dovetail into the main plot.

-Morgan. One of the more unlikeable characters in television history.

-Chuck himself. One of my television pet peeves is the "eternally reluctant hero". Every week seemed like the same thing; he's got these abilities (the Intersect), he doesn't want them, he sucks at using them, then he reluctantly does it by the end of the episode, rinse and repeat next week.

The first episode of this season has Chuck growing a big homeless guy beard after breaking up with Sarah in order to be a spy, then sucking so much at being a spy that he gets kicked out. The conceit for this season seems to be that Chuck doesn't just "flash" on information anymore, he can also flash new abilities, so it's just Season 1 again with the occasional kung fu fight. At this point, it's just Greatest American Hero (nerdy hero with unstable abilities he can't control; love interest and grizzled spy as partners) done badly. Even better, they manage to reboot everybody back to the Buy More too, putting everything I disliked about the show right back where it was in the first place. I may give it another couple of episodes, see if they manage to evolve the concept, but I'm not looking forward to it.

Happily, there's a new Castle to look forward to, plus more Scrubs and Better Off Ted. Also, new Leverage this week (and I've made at least one convert since last week).

Sunday! Sunday! Monday!

Studying for finals, was thinking about skipping the writeups for the last couple days, but the shows were just too good Sunday to skip.

Simpsons: Even after every terrible episode about a fad that happened three years ago, The Simpsons can still pull out an excellent story like this week's, an out of nowhere tale about Bart missing the bond that comes with having a brother. After a few "trick Homer and Marge into conceiving" gags that felt lifted from Family Guy (ironic in an episode with a direct South Park gag), bart goes to an orphanage to try and score a little brother, then winds up with one that followed him home. The shenanigans were fairly tame (no "the little brother is worse than Bart/they have to trick him into leaving" schtick that a lesser episode might have tried to pull), and the ending was bittersweet, with the kid having to leave, then getting adopted...by a family with six girls. I dug the little brother character though, and it wasn't a "hey look, here's a celebrity!" voice, which makes me wish they'd fold him into the library of minor characters. Speaking of celebrities, we got three Mannings and two Smothers in a great dream sequence (reminiscent of "Bart Sells His Soul"). Overall, possible the best episode they've done in a long time, and one that I'll think back on the next time I read the inevitable "The Simpsons needs to hang it up" article.

The Cleveland Show had their traditional Christmas episode this week (thankfully, not sponsored by Cascade), and they seem to be finding a groove with the storyline. Cleveland/Rallo is turning into the show's money pairing, as they provide the most (and best) conflict. The bit about Rawanda freeing the reindeer didn't pay off for her, although it did provide a funny runner through the rest of the episode, culminating in a nice mildly dark ending. The jokes are hitting, but how long can they milk the "two families becoming one" tension? Time will tell.

Family Guy: Not the most cohesive episode, pretty much a "something something Peter takes over Pewterschmidt Industries" plot, but there were some decent gags in there. Hugh Laurie as House was worth some giggles, and a good payoff in the end. An extended Scooby Doo homage was also very appreciated. An average episode, but on a night where everything else was above average to great.

American Dad: And speaking of great...wow. I almost don't want to talk about this too much, since everything was handled so flawlessly. Just...just watch it. It's on Hulu, it'll take you 25 minutes, and you'll thank me later. Watch it, and we can discuss it in the comments or something (yes, there's a place for comments...hint hint)

How I Met Your Mother: I don't smoke, so I'm sure I missed some hilarious subtleties about smoking and falling off the wagon and cold turkeys and whatnot. Robin's new co-anchor was funny (especially the lack of production elements on the set of her morning show), Lily's smoker voice was funny (the first couple times), the kids reactions to finding out their dad/dad's friends smoked (yes, the kids speak!), and especially Marshall repeatedly beating up his 13-year old self. Bob Odenkirk was a little wasted here, although here's hoping it pays off down the line. They may just be saving all the comedy juice up for the 100th episode (with musical numbers!), so HIMYM gets a pass this time.

Minor Housekeeping: FlashForward and Dollhouse I will be trying to get to next week when finals are over. I'm looking to catch up on Modern Family, as I've gotten a slew of recommendations for it. Better Off Ted and Scrubs will be new for a while, and I'm going to try and watch the first season of Veronica Mars and of Dexter over the holiday rerun period. We'll see how successful I am. Still, a fellow's got to have goals.

My poor neglected blog...

Ironic, that writing about TV for school has been preventing me from writing about TV for leisure. I'll be trying to catch up on the last couple of weeks of shows, plus finally catch up on FlashForward (even if it kills me). Also, there's new Scrubs, the return of Better Off Ted, and I "acquired" the first three seasons of Dexter, so I'm looking forward to digging into that. I'm also working on a post-mortem for Monk, which aired its series finale last week. For now though, let's knock out a few reviews and go from there.

House: The last two episodes have been pretty good, especially last week's "Wilson", which gave us more of our favorite oncologist than we've had in a while. Especially appreciated were the tiny glimpses of what House's weekly antics must look like from the outside; doing tests in the shower, tricking their way ahead of others to get into the OR, ill mariachi singers, etc. It's also always nice to see Aaron Sorkin All-Star Josh Molina again. It's also funny to see how House is starting to rub off on Wilson...even in a very tiny way. The Lucas/Cuddy storyline is innocuous enough, providing a little wrinkle in the House/Cuddy story, and giving House something to do. The Thanksgiving episode was really well done in that regard, so long as they don't backslide on it. "Wilson" was the better episode though, giving us character development and a nice departure from the Patient of the Week format.

Speaking of Wilson, Castle this week had an appearance from Cutthroat Bitch (Anne Dudek) as the ex-wife of an amnesiac murder suspect. I was digging the episode, as they didn't go the "his memory magically snaps back at the end" route, and left the reconciliation angle wide open. I honestly wouldn't mind seeing him come back later in the series, it was an interesting take on things. The mystery was well done as well, although the reveal was a little out of nowhere. Still, that screen time was well spent. The storyline with Mom Castle wasn't really doing it for me, but at least they've started making the character more than "Mona from Who's The Boss 2.0". Speaking of Who's The Boss, I also hear that Alyssa Milano will be making an appearance on the show coming up soon.

How I Met Your Mother has swing back around to Ted's love life, the central conceit of the show. The idea of "The Window" was amusing, and I have a friend (also a redhead) who has a similar dating pattern (although her window is slightly larger), so I was enjoying the episode on a few levels there. Barney in overalls, rattail Marshall, Robin trying to seduce that guy (spilling the wine was a great bizarre Robin moment), and Vanilla Thunder's inability to dunk. The time travel thing at the end really blew my mind though. Really. Like, LOST levels of mind-blowing.

Next time: Scrubs 2.0, Better Off Ted, and I give Heroes a tiny shred of praise.

Pimpin' Ain't Easy/"Mohinder" is Hindu for "Exposition"

Wow, Castle was genius tonight! Kudos to the writers on this one, as they managed to surprise me with this episode. Not in the standard "OMG Twist!" way either, but with a great character moment.

The plot starts out well enough; DA gets murdered, suspect list leans strongly towards someone he put away having a grudge, then it takes a twist...the DA was also running a call girl ring. Not bad, standard Law and Order twist, nothing earth-shattering. One of the call girls (Scarlett) worked in the DA's office, and tells Castle and Beckett that Jack Knox (one of the earlier suspects) was the one who killed the DA. Still standard. Then the girl shows up at Castle's place, all smacked around. They have a heartfelt moment, Castle drops her off at the hospital, then shows up back at the police station to surprise Beckett with a solved case and throw off a couple of witty quips. Instead, Castle has f'ed up royally, and Beckett lets him know it. The "outsider with a specific skill set helps the police" setup is all over TV right now, but this is one of the first I've seen that actually plays off the downsides of having an enthusiastic amateur running around with the professionals, and it does it in such a one-two gutpunch of reveals: that Knox checked Scarlett out of the hospital, and then her panicked phone call to Castle. The next scene has Castle decked out in his "WRITER" Kevlar vest, only the visual doesn't seem as funny anymore. Scarlett manages to shoot Knox and everyone lives happily ever after...except that Scarlett played EVERYBODY and is running the call girl ring. Almost one twist too many, as leaving it with Scarlett as the victim and Castle having learned a lesson would have been a pretty ballsy way to end the episode. The extra twist ending was by no means bad though. Great show, great acting all around.

Heroes, on the other hand, was merely adequate at best. After weeks of threatening, Mohinder finally comes back, and we get a tedious set of flashbacks as he uncovers a rare copy of "Exposition: The Motion Picture", and we finally start digging into Samuel's story...or what little there is of it. He was born at Coyote Sands, he has the ability to get more powerful when surrounded by supers, but he doesn't know it until two months ago. We also get to meet his brother Joseph, who has been keeping the secret of Samuel's powers from him all their lives. Nice to finally know it, but way too late to really make me care. Hiro goes back in time, gets the film, saves Mohinder (dammit), and then sticks Mohinder in a psychiatric hospital. If it's that easy, why not stick Samuel in there, then threaten to leave him in there forever if he doesn't tell him where Charlie is? Oh yeah, that would require good writers. Never mind.

Peter and Nathan continue to bore me, Parkman "probably" gets rid of Sylar in his head, Peter says "Screw Hiro" and swaps healing for flying, and Nathan just counts the days until he's written off the show for good.

Oh, and Claire and Tracy have a pointless pajama party. Meh.

How I Met Your Mother had a nice standalone episode (or as standalone as this show can get), as Barney decided to bounce back from his breakup by digging out: The Playbook.

HIMYM's strength lies in how their characters can have all of these complicated rituals, references, and lists; and The Playbook is another in that great tradition. It's a book detailing all of Barney's elaborate ways of lying to score with chicks. Best one: The Ted Mosby (dressing like Ted and telling women he was left at the altar). One most likely to become our Pub Trivia name: The Lorenzo von Matterhorn. Barney finishes with an epic "The Scuba Diver", and has grown absolutely zero as a person by the end of the episode. Robin, on the other hand, is given a wisp of a storyline in which she claims she'll be putting relationships on the back burner to focus on her job, followed by the Greek chorus of Ted and Marshall telling her that that statement is usually the last thing said before someone gets married. And in the final scene of the episode, she meets the hunky new co-anchor. Huzzah! Anyway, great palate cleanser of an episode after all of the Barney/Robin relationshippyness.

Your Mom! (And How I Met Her)

Brought to you by Archi-SEX-ture, coming this Tuesday to DVD and Blu-Ray...

Well, I didn't see the breakup episode coming at this point in the season, so good on the HIMYM team for popping the chute earlier than later. I have a suspicion that Barney and Robin aren't totally finished as a couple though. The pairing is just too good to keep apart, so they have to at least stay Scotch buddies or something. I guess it is time to swing back to Ted for a while. The scene in the Stakeout Wagon was some classic HIMYM, which seems to get funnier the more cramped the setting is. Just Ted's reactions to the pizza guy would have made for a great episode. This was about as single-subject as this show gets, but it did give us the full denouement of the end of the Barbin coupling in one half hour, which was for the best. So many great bits in this episode...Barney in the fat suit, Alan Thicke, Barney and Robin's half assed reaction to the engagement ring, the return of the Kraken...and they gave us a preview of our Christmas present with the promise of more Robin Sparkles shenanigans. It's like a warm TV hug.

Top Chef gave us a gift too, booting Robin over two dismal dishes from Jen and Eli. Jen just looks lost (ironically, she's starting to resemble Old Lady Robin from this week's HIMYM), and Eli just made a severe miscalculation. Sometimes you just need to cook something good, and then stretch the theme around it to make it fit.

This makes Robin's ouster feel more like a lifetime underachievement award than just a reflection of her dish from the challenge. Don't get me wrong, it looks like it sucked, but tough meat and soup made from circus sweepings looked way worse than that. This may just be the judges trying to assemble the strongest final five, and it worked. Jennifer may go next if she doesn't wake up (or get some sleep, then wake up), but Eli needs to stop making mistakes like this. It still looks like the two of them fighting for 4th though, as Kevin and the Voltaggios are just head and shoulders above the them.

Also, I've started watching Veronica Mars (yes, instead of catching up with FlashForward or V...what can I say, I <3 Kristen Bell), so I'll probably be doing some kind of full write up of Season 1 or something, rather than pick through it one episode at a time. Through the first two episodes though, I'm really wondering why this show would get canceled after only three seasons. I heard that the tone really changed in Season 3 (and after the WB/UPN merger?), so I guess I've got that to look forward to. Anyway, it's good stuff, and I hope to catch up on many many series that I missed the first time they aired. Might have to bite the bullet and get Netflix so I can start getting entire series and watching them marathon-style.

Anyway, FlashForward is next on my plate, I promise.

Very quick hits

Heroes: Well, that was a waste. An hour of convoluted time travel nonsense, just so Magneto can give Peter's Irish Barmaid a roommate? Throw a non-plot in with HRG non having an affair with a co-worker, just so we can get the awesome verb "Haitianed"? Meh meh meh.

Castle: Way better, as the scenes with Alexis continue to be good. Her assisting with exposition at the beginning of the episode was not only helpful to the police, but now Beckett sees the "Adult" side of Castle. Good scene, and set up fairly naturally with the characterizations we've already had working. Them's some good writing.

Story itself was okay, the usual parade of suspects and false leads. Figuring out the murderer from her final song was a little of a stretch, but Alexis reaction to the "cross her threshold" line sold it at the end. Good all around.

How I Met Your Mother: Ted (or, T-Mos) has been waaaay in the background the last couple of weeks as Ro-Ro and the Barnstormer are attempting to challenge Lilypad and Marshmallow for the title of Best Couple. Barney and Robin's methods for avoiding fights are great (Barney leaves, Robin strips), as was the situation in which neither method can be used (stuck on a ski lift). Marshall's speech to Barney about how he's forgotten more about being a good boyfriend than Barney will ever know was greatness, and it's great to see more Marshall after he was barely in some of the early episodes. The "bagpipes" gag was funny once or twice, but it's no "eating a sandwich". Upswing for the season, but still kind of treading water, plot-wise.

Coming next: Double shot of FlashForward, and eventually, V.

Slowly Catching Up

How I Met Your Mother: My favorite episode of the season to date, splitting the gang into possibly its strongest two groups: Barney/Robin and Ted/Marshall/Lily. Barney teaching Robin to be American was great television, as was her Canadian bender, and her realization that she's becoming a woman of two countries. Finally a good Barney/Robin storyline that doesn't just refer to their relationship. Lily's tiny bladder and sappy audiobook breaking up Ted's ultimate roadtrip was hilarious, as was ditching Lily at the B&B (and Marshall running around in a robe for the rest of the episode) and all the Tantrum references. The extended gag about how terrible the pizza place in Chicago was kept me rolling, and it dovetailed nicely into the ending bit when Marshall and Ted pay the price for eating there. Fun little episode that keps its momentum going, explored another facet of the Ted/Marshall friendship, and had lots of great quotable bits. Everything I look for in an episode of HIMYM.

Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror XX, wow. It's hard to believe that there have been twenty of these, but it's still one of the episodes I look forward to the most every year. "Dial M For Murder" was a decent little "Strangers on a Train" storyline with many other Hitchcock elements tossed in. Not quite an homage, but the intent was there. "Don't Have A Cow, Human" was an amazing zombie story though, with a lot of great characters moments and Apu coming up big. The ending Sweeney Todd riff wasn't a classic, but doing it as a stage play (complete with elevator stage for Moe's Basement) was inspired and kept me interested. It's episodes like this that make me wish Simpsons would just retire the notion of a narrative and just play around with their format like this all the time.

Heroes: I have to admit it, this episode wasn't bad at all. I hesitate to call it good, as that's just asking for disappointment next week. Ray Park works well as a foil for Sylar, and the reinvention of Gabriel/Sylar/Nathan is being handled pretty well, mainly a testament to the ability of Zachary Quinto. This week was a gift to continuity nerds (like myself), bringing up Claire's magical healing blood, and taking us back to Charlie! Peter and HRG make a pretty good team (other than Peter taking a shotgun blast to the chest), and I would get behind them as a pairing, doing the "good guys" version of The Company.

Hiro finally gets to be Hiro tonight, counseling Deaf Dazzler and putting on a magic show for the kids at the hospital. The idea of Hiro's bucket list is a good one, especially with Charlie on it. Having him learn from Charlie as far as dealing with his tumor is some great writing. Credit where credit is due and all. Hopefully the good storytelling continues with him, and we don't go back to toner-smudged Hiro...ever.

Back to the Carn-Evil, where the carnies are starting to resemble a cult more than a family, which I suppose is the point and all. Glowering Ray Park promises to be a nice feud if they let it simmer. The House of Mirrors scene could have been good, but once the Jamaitian leaves, it just turns into a cheesy montage (and not even well done either), and then Sylar runs out like a bitch. It could have been done so much better, and that's a recurring theme with Heroes. Sylar briefly shifting into Nathan was a cool touch, and I think Nathan's influence on Sylar's morality needs to be explored more sooner than later, although I'm sure they're saving it for when Sylar falls completely under the Carnival's spell. Poor Ernie Hudson...I had hoped they'd keep around longer, although it does advance the Ray Park rivalry some more. Will it pan out? Who knows, it's Heroes...

How I Met Some Animated Heroes

Let's just get this out of the way. Heroes, I hate you. Why do I hate you? Because you apparently think I'm an idiot. Dirt McGirt of the Out Of Focus Carnival(e) promises a new family member by the end of the day, just in time for magic old lady waffles. Who will it be? Believe it or not, it's just Sylar...WITH AMNESIA!!! Wow, I guess it takes a guy with earth powers to shake all the dust off of that chestnut. And yes, that was a reference to the children's choir singing the "Greatest American Hero" theme. It's a song I love, and done on a better show, it would have been a cute aside to the fans. Here, it flops like a brick with wings.

Peter bumps into Emma while saving her from a bus and accidentally steals the World's Worst Power from her, losing his awesome Ray Park speed. I will give credit where credit is due, the music trailing off when he realizes he can't run fast anymore was actually well done. Apparently, powerless Peter gets to blow off work whenever he feels the need to mack on some deaf chick. Angela, on the other hand, couldn't be more obvious about blowing off Peter unless she painted eyes on her eyelids so she could be fully asleep during her scenes with him. Oh, and Hiro shows up at Peter's place and collapses under the weight of Peter's plodding storyline.

Claire and Single White Gretchen continue to lurch through their storyline, ending with the world's most boring girl kiss. Seriously, I think Katy Perry hung herself after that one. Think or hope, one of those two. Anyway, this week's "no really, we're at college, honest!" hijinks involve Claire and SWG rushing Claire's mom's old sorority, which is just a front for Unnamed Invisible Girl to recruit Claire for the Out Of Focus Carnival(e). But of course, they don't just reveal her at the end and let us connect the dots, oh no. They don't even lead us through it by the hand, they stick us on one of those toddler leashes, then slowly walk us through the last month of the Claire storyline. hell, while you're fixing your show, why not have Invisible Girl go back and off Micah's cousin and push Maya off a bridge too. It was all the Invisible Girl! She canceled Pushing Daisies too! Oh, and how the hell does Invisible Girl manage to get herself high enough up in the sorority in order to convince them to let Claire and SWG into the sorority anyway? How much advance notice did they have? HOW HIGH DOES THE CONSPIRACY GO!!! Thanks to Starman for reminding me of that, by the way, I'd forgotten it in all the other hating on this episode I had going on.



Finally, we get to the delicious frosting on this three-layer turd cake of an episode: anything involving Sylar. Amnesiac Sylar gets picked up by ERNIE GODDAMN HUDSON. Whooo!!! Zeddemore bitches!!! True story: I walked behind Ernie Hudson at Gencon LA a few years ago during a fire drill. I didn't ask him to tell me about the Twinkie, and I regret it to this day.

So anyway, Sylar spends most of the episode emoting and not knowing who he is, but then his criminal past (and fingerprints) catch up with him, and Gabriel Gray is going down for murrrrrrderrrrrr. Ernie Hudson prepares to channel his inner Vic Mackey, but then Sylar's powers flicker on and he gets tossed through a glass window. Sylar makes a break for it with a character who I'm not even going to discuss, then gets shot up when his Electrica Mars flares up, heals, then gets taken in by...Dirt McGirt everybody! Yay, Sylar gets waffles! Mmmmm...

How I Met Your Mother finally satisfies my need for more Marshall, as he and Lily go overboard wooing Barney and Robin as a new couple to hang out with. I could listen to Marshall talk about Gouda alllll day, but Rarney don't agree, so they dump Marshall and Lily. However, in true HIMYM fashion, Marshall and Lily find a new couple that love them, and Babin have to look on longingly, to the hilarious sounds of "All By Ourselves". Every break-up cliche, doubled for your pleasure. Ted's storyline is pretty basic, even though it makes up the title ("The Sexless Innkeeper") of the episode. Ted doesn't get laid, then Ted does get laid...although we do get poetry and fun wigs, so it all works out. Good episode, although Ted getting laid does lead to another "what am I doing" moment from Barney. Will it pay off? Who knows. Until then, check out itwasthebestnightever.com for some photo montages.

Rounding us out today are some animation quick hits:

Simpsons: Hey, have you heard about this MMA thing that's been going around? The Simpsons finally has, and decided to make it a Marge episode. Pass.

The Cleveland Show: This was a nice mix between the family sitcom template that this appears to be on the surface, and the darker stuff you tend to expect from McFarlane and the gang. It starts with Cleveland trying to find a friend for Cleveland Jr., with a great extended gag about Cleveland sounding like a pedophile while trying to convince a boy to "play with Cleveland Jr"...fitting, since Mike Henry also is the voice of Herbert on FG. How do you get from there to a bloody shootout at the end of the episode? Just watch it, if not for that, then for Cleveland's hat closet.

Family Guy: I'm beginning to think Seth McFarlane likes the 80's. There has to be a new term invented here, because "parody" and "homage" don't come close to this episode. Chevy Chase and Dan Ackroyd essentially recreate "Spies Like Us" with Stewie and Brian, and Peter forms an improve troupe to keep him out of the way. Forgettable story, but some good jokes, and more playing with the format (Stewie's incoherent cutaway setup and the "Russian cutaway gag"). Oh, and the shoutout to The Cleveland Show was funny too. Didn't want to forget that.

American Dad: Also not the best episode, and usually the Stan/Steve episodes are better than this. Steve is left home along, starts messing around with Stan's Predator Drone, and hilarity ensues. Just didn't really come together as an episode, although Roger's Stan impression and some king-fu fighting near the end salvaged it.

Castle and House (hopefully) tomorrow. Also, good news in that Dollhouse has been picking up some good DVR numbers and so FOX has announced that they'll show all of Season 2. FlashForward has also been picked up for a full season. People do win!

Quick and Dirty

Heroes and Castle weren't online tonight, but I did catch How I Met Your Mother!

"Robin 101" was an okay episode. Nothing crazy great, just chugging along with the "Let's turn Barney into a boyfriend" storyline. I expected it to be a more organic change, but it does make sense for them to just have Ted teach a class on Robin to Barney. Creepy, but with elements of love. It just didn't gel as an episode to me though, probably because Lily and Marshall (and even Robin) were fairly uninvolved in this episode. Marshall was especially absent, with a beloved barrel his only real contribution. Is Jason Segal shooting another movie or something? Or are they saving him and Lily for a bigger storyline later in the season? Anyway, there's no such thing as a bad episode of HIMYM, so this gets my lowest possible rating of 14 stars.

FlashForward was a step or two back after the 8 (or more accurately, 12) steps forward in episode 1. Little girl Charlie is CREEPY. Her proclamation on D. Gibbons at the end of the episode was only missing the "LOST Horns" to put the perfect ending on the hour. Dimitri gets some more confirmation on his "he'll be dead before six months" theory, as a fellow "no-flashback'er" gets shot, and he gets a phone call with the exact date of his death. Yeah, creeeeeeepy.

Also, we meet FF's version of the Others; the mysterious people who may have caused the Blackout, or at least know a pretty good amount about it. I've got to say, if I ever need to remove incriminating files from my PC, I'm probably going to go with something less extreme than "submerge them in flammable liquid, then drop lighters in it". Just saying. The Wall O' Clues gets a couple more additions to it, and it remains to be seen whether a simple act like burning his friendship bracelet will alter the future any for Agent I-Can't-Remember-His-Name-At-The-Moment.

Last week's House ("Epic Fail") was nice, giving us a House without Princeton-Plainsboro, and the remains of Team House (Foreteen and Mort the Jew) trying to keep the diagnostics department going without Medical Jesus in the big chair. The POTW using the internet to diagnose his own case was an interesting twist, playing off Foreman's lack of confidence, although I did see the ending (House solving the case online) coming a while away. I'm not calling it obvious, more of a reward for the informed and loyal viewer. Thirteen had the line of the night with her assessment of House's cooking ("It's the best thing I've ever had in my mouth. And yes, I'm also counting that thing you're thinking of right now"). Good episode, even if status quo looks to be on its way to being restored. On the other hand, I haven't seen last night's episode yet, so I could be pleasantly surprised. Plus Mort the Jew might still be gone.

And let's wrap it up with some cartoons.

Simpsons: Meh. I've been a Simpsons defender, and I still don't know that I could handle a world without them. On the other hand, they keep mining weak stories out of dated references, and they can do better. Or should.

The Cleveland Show: Another departure for Seth McFarlane, as this is more of a "Full House with bite" at this point in its run. There's still a few cutaways, but the uncomfortable/edgy humor is mostly replaced with straightforward (ish) storylines. I like it, I just have to ease into it, especially having been indoctrinated by Family Guy.

Family Guy: Last week's Multiverse episode was greatness, tonight's episode was a little disappointing as a follow-up. I honestly prefer Family Guy when it's more of a loosely-bound half hour of gags...like a sketch comedy show that's loosely based on a family dynamic, rather than a full narrative. This episode had a little too much narrative, and it's material that they covered better in the originally unaired "When You Wish Upon A Weinstein" (although I did appreciate the callback to that episode). Not even the Superfriends opening could make up for it.

American Dad: Somewhere in between Family Guy and The Cleveland Show lies American Dad. I went through a period of not caring much about this show, but I am happy to have been proven wrong. AD still manages to combine dark humor, weird storylines, and pop culture references, but with a much more cohesive plot. Simpsons has the cred, and Family Guy has the cult following, but American Dad is the anchor of the Sunday night animation lineup. This is the show that should have been nominated for the Emmy.

Heroes, Castle, and will I ever watch Bored to Death? Stay tuned.

Sorry Kids!

Took a few days of sick leave. I've got a backlog of shows to get through, but here are a few quick thoughts on what I was able to watch.

Dollhouse: Glad to see it back, but I wasn't blown away by the first episode of Season 2. They've set up a few things that should pay off sooner than later though, and the interplay between Topher and Saunders/Whiskey was nice...and will probably pay off later than sooner. But in a good way.

The Cleveland Show: Took a little long to set up the premise, and I'm not crazy about...well, most of the characters. It's not like I'm not watching the other 90 minutes though, so I'll stick with it.

Family Guy: Great episode, as they abandon the pretense of being a 22-minute narrative and just turn it into animated sketch comedy. The Robot Chicken universe was genius "Hahahaha, those shows existed!", as was the extended Disney tribute. Poor poor Mort.

How I Met Your Mother: STRIPPER LILY!!! Nice episode, although the bf/gf tension between Barney and Robin kind of came out of nowhere, nor was it resolved by the end. Still, this episode has merit for the visual effects alone, showing 2009 Ted observing 2002 Ted on his first blind date (with the same girl). This show isn't afraid to take chances, and they pay off at a staggering rate. Also, STRIPPER LILY!!!

Tool Academy 2: I keep loving this show. Two of the girls get in a fight (over one of them being a stripper...gosh, didn't see that one coming), the Tools turn on one of their own for being just too Tooly, and next episode promises a Tool revolution. I have a longer post on Tool Academy coming, I swear.

Heroes and Castle are coming up next, as is FlashForward.

GtT Fall Schedule: Revealed!!!

I'm slowly finalizing what shows I want to watch/review for the blog. I don't have the complete list, but I figure I can start listing them now, as well as shows that I won't be reviewing (for various reasons) and eventually build up a list. Let's start with some comedy.

Show I'll Be Reviewing: How I Met Your Mother

Entering its fifth season, this is a show that still flies under most people's radars, although it is finally getting some respect, including a Best Comedy nomination at the Emmy's, as well as a Best Supporting Actor nom for Neil Patrick F'ing Harris. (Man Crush Hall of Fame inductee)

Although the ensemble cast is great, the 6th character is Time, and the writers use it to full effect to set up some of the best gags and storylines I've seen in a sitcom in a long time. We (meaning me and some Denton Rocky nerds) are doing a series marathon soon leading up to the season premiere on September 19th.

Show I Won't Be Reviewing: 30 Rock

This show is great, but it gets tons of press on its own. I'll still be watching, and I may even sprinkle in some quick comments (I'm actually thinking of just doing a weekly "Everything Else I Watched" roundup with short thoughts on various shows) on it, but I would be treading too-familiar ground if I tried to cover it in depth. The Onion TV Club (http://www.avclub.com/features/tv-club/) does a great job covering it (and HIMYM, but they can't take all my shows!), so I won't be doing full reviews.

Honorable Mention: The Big Bang Theory

This is a show that I eventually want to get into, but from the beginning (send me DVD's?), so this would be more of an off-season project. I've heard many many good things though, so I'll be hoping to dive into this sooner than later.

That makes How I Met Your Mother the first official member of the Gleaming the Tube Class of Fall 2009! Exploding high five!